How to Support Adolescents Questioning Their Sexuality

Being a teenager can be confusing. Not only is your body going through physical changes, but you’re also learning how to construct your own identity and navigating how you relate to the world. Sexuality is a big part of that personal journey. But knowing where you identify across the sexuality spectrum doesn’t always come easy. 

“Questioning is a natural process,” said Dorothy Espelage, an educational psychologist and professor of education at the University of North Carolina. “Teens may find they’re attracted to both sexes or none at all, but you’ve got to remember that adolescence is a time where they don’t necessarily want to be put in a box because they don’t always see themselves represented in traditional categories of straight, gay, lesbian or bisexual.”

For some teens, questioning their sexual identity can feel like living in limbo. When confronted with the instinctive desire to belong, it can be stressful to figure out where they stand in society on their own. Adults in their lives can help them navigate this experience by carving out a healthy space for them to explore their questions safely and by validating what they are going through. 

According to PFLAG, teens who have not yet defined their sexual identity are considered questioning under the LGBTQ umbrella. The organization notes that the benefit of being able to identify yourself as questioning honors the need for self-exploration while providing a space within the community. 

“I think for some teens it’s very distressing to think, ‘I don’t know where I fit.’ When they are given so few options of how to identify, they don’t feel as included,” Espelage said. 

A 2025 report from The Trevor Project’s Project SPARK longitudinal study found that LGBTQ+ young people report a wide range of sexual identity labels (including pansexual, queer, and asexual), and some are still figuring it out. In this study sample, 3% of participants said they were not sure of their sexual orientation.

The experience of questioning sexuality is different for everyone, but can be influenced by the environment in which they live, family and friends they interact with, and the overall community they are a part of, Espelage said. An affirming and accepting community may respond differently from a more conservative community, but even within those communities, teens may find more accepting people to lean on. 

“It’s just hard for some heteronormative families who fear that (because their child is) a gender or sexual minority today, life is going to be hard in some parts of our country,” she said. “The parents are well-intending, but there’s something risky about the unknown space of questioning.”

Friends can be a strong source of support for peers who are questioning. But interacting with other teens who don’t share the same internal struggle can sometimes feel isolating for adolescents. 

“There’s something about not knowing when people around you know,” Espelage said. “If you’re in a peer group where everyone is gender-fluid, questioning will likely look different because you aren’t the only one. But say if you’re one of the girls in a group of girlfriends who are all boy-crazy except for you, that’s where the angst can come from.” 

While the U.S. has made important strides in acceptance and tolerance of LGBTQ individuals, anti-queer bullying is still commonplace among younger people. 

According to The Trevor Project’s Oct. 1, 2025 research brief on LGBTQ+ students and school anti-bullying policies, 38% of LGBTQ+ students ages 13–18 reported being bullied in person at school in the past year. Bullying rates were higher among transgender and nonbinary students than among cisgender LGB peers (42% vs. 32%).

The same brief found that reported bullying varied with how inclusive students perceived their school’s anti-bullying policy to be—for example, students who reported no anti-bullying policy had the highest bullying rate (55%), while those reporting a policy that prohibits all anti-LGBTQ+ bullying reported lower rates (33%).

While these findings focus on in-person bullying at school, schools should also consider how to prevent and respond to bullying that happens through digital channels.

Affirmation, strong family and social support, and open communication can help teens navigate this period of questioning while staying mentally resilient, Espelage said.  

Adults should reevaluate their own biases and assumptions about the LGBTQ community to begin to create more inclusive environments that allow teens to safely explore questions about their sexuality. Espelage offered the following suggestions for adults:

Think of sexuality as a spectrum.

It’s also a continuum, which means that sexual identity can evolve slowly over time. 

• Glossary of Terms, Human Rights Campaign: a glossary of LGBTQ terms and identities designed to help make conversations more open and comfortable. 
• Resources on Gender-Expansive Children and Youth, Human Rights Campaign: a list of resources dedicated to gender expansive youth who may identify as transgender or another identity not confined to one gender experience. 
• The Family Acceptance Project:   a research initiative dedicated to helping families and communities support LGBTQ youth in a culturally competent way.

Remember that outness is not static.

People can be “out” in certain contexts and not others. They may be out at school and not at home or vice versa. Give teens agency over their coming out process while maintaining confidentiality. Espelege encouraged adults to:

• Avoid asking questions such as, “Are you gay?” It’s important not to push teens before they are ready. Give them space to figure it out at their own pace.
• Have conversations that guide teens through coping at different points in the coming-out process. It’s important for teens to safely manage their identity through the various contexts they live in and experience. 
• Be clear and affirming, with unconditional support and encouragement.
• Actively listen to a teen when they are expressing themselves and don’t shut them down with phrases such as, “Well, you know you like boys,” which can invalidate their sexual and/or romantic feelings. 

Encourage healthy exploration.

Emphasize that sexuality is a natural and normal process to learn about and it’s up to them when they choose to explore that, Espelege said. This can be best done in an inclusive environment. 

• Schools can serve as a neutral buffer, especially for teens who come from non-affirming families. Gender-sexuality alliances provide a safe space for LGBTQ youth to have peer-to-peer conversations under faculty support. These organizations can provide a space for students to process difficult emotions and mentor figures, such as a junior or senior classmate who has been in their shoes and can offer advice and guidance.
• What is a GSA Club, GSA Network: an introduction guide to GSAs, what they are, and how to start one.
• Support for Student-Led Clubs, Glisten: a resource dedicated to supporting GSAs for students and advisers. 

Promote tolerance.

Teens are watching adults closely to determine if they will be supportive. It’s important for adults to advocate for LGBTQ tolerance and acceptance. 

• TV Shows with LGBTQ+ characters, Common Sense Media: a list of TV shows with LGBTQ-inclusive character portrayals that are child and teen appropriate. It’s important to see diversity in sexual identities represented in media, but how they are portrayed is significant (i.e., if the show is not explicitly pointing out that a gay couple, but they are a natural and accepted part of it without question).
• Lifeguard Workshop, the Trevor Project: a video for educators, counselors, or youth service leaders to help LGBTQ young people identify potential challenges and manage their mental health.

This article was last updated in February 2026.